Day ~41.

Again, I am almost grateful that for two years I woke up with a massive anxiety attack accompanied by severe intestinal distress ... because the morning (literally, in my case) sickness seems almost familiar.

It occurs when my eyes open ... a sort of rushing acid to my stomach, a kind of sharp, low cramping with nausea. Lots of gurgling, and a major need to pee. When the churning stops, I'll force down a small bowl of cereal, and by that time, I usually need to rush to the bathroom (for sitting, not knealing).

Luckily, I was able to rally in time to meet some good friends for breakfast (where the only thing that appealed to me was the breakfast burrito - go figure), and then to a coffee tasting (where I was one of several to use a spit cup - thank goodness I have that skill from working in the wine industry). I've had zero desire for my usual morning cafe au lait, which is amazing. I have missed being able to drink wine, but the coffee appeals to me not one bit.

In the dim morning, still huddled under the covers, I once more wondered whether we should have given ourselves one full year in our new house before we decided to become parents. The yard needs resodding, I'd like to have a garden ... and for some reason, I am so afraid that I won't have the time, or energy, or even desire to do those projects once this little person arrives. And then it hit me - maybe I will have an even greater excitement for doing things, experiencing things, building and sowing and tending, once I'm a mom.

I am starting to think of this growing thing in me as a baby ... and when I think of it like that, when I think of the second bedroom as being _____'s room, I feel a giggly happiness.

I read that the ears are starting to form today. Now I can say hello ...