Day ~37.

First big wave of nausea this morning, as I sat in my office meeting with a client.

I am so glad I went through four long years of putting on a happy face when things were falling apart inside ... I learned to be stonefaced, that's for sure. Other than possibly turning pale, I think I hid it well. God, I hope it doesn't get much worse. I don't want to reveal anything to my boss or coworkers until at least March.

I got really choked up looking at email photos of my best friend's four month old baby boy.

DTB told me last night that he loved our hugs lately ... that they've changed. I asked him how long that had been true, and he smiled and said, "Oh, about four days."

He's right, though. There's a gentleness between us, a lot like the first few months after we were married. The stakes are raised, you realize how fragile everything could be, and how much respect and tenderness can make a difference.